Originally printed in 2002 in Crime, Justice and America magazine and reposted with permission from Crime, Justice and America magazine
It’s a new year, and our law enforcement friends should plan their vacation when…
Top 10 Signs Your Partner Needs A Vacation
◆ He keeps handcuffing himself by accident
◆ He starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested
◆ He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he looks good in a collar
◆ He wants you to call him “Judge Dredd” and he insists that all suspects be executed right there on the spot
◆ He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat
◆ He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers
◆ The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids
◆ Every Tuesday, he insists it’s his turn to be the siren
◆ He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel
◆ He talks to himself. Half of him is the “good-cop”, and the other half is the “bad-cop”
Now, For Those Of you On The Other Side………
There are 68-thousand convenience stores in the U.S. and 20% of them have been robbed. Those must be the most convenient ones, right?
Speaking Of Right, It Just Isn’t If You Have To Use The Kids……
Annette Montoya, 11, of Belen, New Mexico, and her parents were arrested for forgery after Annette, in the company of her father, attempted to open a bank account with a $900,000 check. The girl told sheriff’s deputies that she earned the money doing “some yard work.” During her interrogation she crossed her heart and said, “Hope to die if I’m Lying.”
Help! I’ve Fallen Down And Can’t Get My Pants Up!
In February, police in Clifton, N.J., chased Aaron Reynolds, 35, who was driving a stolen car, into New York City, where Port Authority police joined the pursuit. After the car was stopped, Reynolds bolted on foot, ran about two blocks, and came crashing down to the sidewalk because his low-riding pants slipped down and tripped him. According to police, Reynolds said he was giving up and asked for a minute to compose himself. During the lull, he darted off again, but this time barely ran a few yards before his pants slipped down again and tripped him. The Record (Hackensack, NJ)
Let’s Hope This Guy Never Works In An Auto Repair Shop……
In Seattle Washington, When a man attempting to siphon gasoline from a motor home got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very ill man curled up next to a motor home. Apparently, he failed to plug into the gas tank, and instead stuck the hose into the sewage tank, and sucked out a mouthful. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.
And As A Follow-Up To Our Previous “Drugs Are A Disability” Article…..
Appealing his prison-escape conviction before the Iowa Supreme Court, a convict said that he was just trying to escape the prison’s “drug-filled environment.”
And For The Finale, We Present The Entrepreneur Of The Month…….
Recently, we heard about a man who walked into a local police station somewhere in South Carolina, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, declared the drugs to be inferior to the price he paid, demanded that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
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